I agreed to meet someone online the other day. And by “meet online”, I mean “meet offline”, as in in-person. A very very dangerous thing to do. Nanny Goats in Panties does not advocate such behavior, nor do its sponsors. In other words, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Do as we say, not as we do, that sort of thing.
It was to be a neutral and public location (Bread and Porridge), in broad daylight (11am), on a busy street (Santa Monica Blvd).
The internet introduced us and my blind date had the distinct advantage of knowing what I looked like. That’s right, a brown goat.
I arrived a couple of minutes early and sat in the waiting area, trying to remind myself that newer cars have those trunk latches that you can open from the inside, should the need arise while barreling down Topanga Canyon at 75mph. I tried to calm down by telling myself that I was meeting a harmless woman. Who was married. With kids.
Or was I? What if I’d been misled all this time and it was a giant Tasmanian Devil-looking perv-man who had located me by a simple Google search for “timeshare panties” or “anti-masturbatory nanny goats”? What if he’d created a women’s blog for the sole purpose of luring me and others into his lair?
Or worse, what if this strange person came in, took one look at me, and walked out? Why, I’d be devastated. What am I, not good-looking enough for abduction? Not sexy enough to warrant 4 weeks of solid coverage on Greta Van Susteren? Not worthy of showing the same 3 pictures of me (including that embarrassing shot of me making out with an alligator that NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT – I thought what happened in New Orleans stayed in New Orleans) over and over again on Nancy Grace while she tearfully makes the event somehow about her and her twins?
I’ll have you know I’m drop dead gorgeous! And you wouldn’t know what you’re missing, you two-bit kidnapper! I know people! I’d be worth a fortune in ransom. Shame on you!
Anyway, as it turns out, merlotmom and I found each other and hit it off. She’s fabulous and I think it’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship, or whatever Bogart says as he walks off in the mist with Claude Rains.
* * * Nanny Goats Shout Out * * *
A big THANK YOU goes out to Librarian Lee for adding Nanny Goats In Panties to her blog roll. If you ever find yourself in a big hairy monster’s trunk, you could learn a thing or two about perspective and optimism from Librarian Lee.
Also, as of press time, Nanny Goats In Panties is only ONE rank spot away from making the Top 50 on Humor-Blogs.com. Click here, to help propel us into the Top 50! A big THANK YOU to YOU (you know who you are) for shooting us past 900+ other humor blogs to reach #51.