Sometimes, when I’m smearing motor oil on the laundry, slicing burnt spam leftovers for a late night snack, or just generally pissing away my life that is statistically more than half over, I fantasize about getting one of my essays read on NPR’s “This I Believe“. I’m not sure why, exactly. It’s just one of those “Wouldn’t That Be Cool?” things.
Then there are the times that the fantasy becomes a potential reality and I think I should write and submit something. But what? Everyone else on that show seems to have some Chicken Crap For The Soul inspirational-type positive thing to say along with some amazing or tragic story to go along with it, while all I ever do is complain about general consumer fiascos and therefore search my non-tragic life looking for crumbs (like, ohh -! I got my first allergy shot yesterday. Woe is me. See? I got nuthin’.)
What could I possibly have to say that would make it past the slush pile? Climbing aboard the self-destruction bus, I vascillate between hope and despair.
In the back of my mind, I know I’m going to sit down and inventory my experience and produce something that “I Believe”, and try with all that I have to be sincere about it (because my brain instantly goes to such things as: “I believe people suck”, or “I believe my goldfish has been sneaking into the medicine cabinet while I’m at work”).
So, I give myself a pep talk to “Get that ball and really fight!”. I listen to a bunch of I Believe podcasts, only to be deflated when I realize that the essays are either writtten by English professors, or semi-to-fully famous people. (How am I supposed to compete with the likes of Yo Yo Ma, or an astronaut who has recorded his essay from the International Space Station? Christ!)
Still, that little cockroach of a pest over my shoulder persistently tells me to try anyway.
Even if my essay is rejected from NPR, I believe it will still find a home, whether it’s in another obscure online non-paying litmag, or right here on this blog.
I do the same thing, except with My Turn in Newsweek. I read some of the articles, and I wonder what asshole put the stupid story about someone’s cat and the lessons it taught into a national publication.
And I think, wow. My life is SO MUCH more interesting than that, I could SO TOTALLY DO THAT!
But then I don’t. And I read more about someone’s cat.
Thanks, Tim! You’re the best! Looks like you have your own blog via the Sushi Bar’s comments section! 🙂
I think more people read your blog than listen to NPR. So you already have had your 15 minutes of fame!
Love your site – I read it and laugh harder than the best NPR schtuff!
Jan’s Sushi Bar’s Laundry Be-atch
Hi Margaret, Thanks for commenting on my blog. I was referred to Aimee Bender’s stories by the owner of our local bookstore. She is definitely one of my favorites. I loved Running with Scissors as well. I, too, have fantasized about writing for This I Believe. I listen every week as well as to about a dozen other NPR podcasts. I think about subjects to write about but stop myself because after a bit of consideration the ideas seem trite.
ByJane: Thanks, Coach!
Lori: I know, right?
Erin: Scotland has web access? 🙂 🙂
You’ve got plenty of tragedy to write about – think about it. Then, please write it!
I, too, have delusions of grandeur. I think about writing a This, I Believe but then I wonder if what I believe will just come across as more idealistic piffle. Then I question, do I really believe these things I think I believe or do I just want to believe them? Hmmmm… maybe This, I Believe had better wait..
At least you believe… i am not quite there yet 🙂
Wow! You’ve gone to a whole new level. What’re you smokin’, girl? I love this. I believe in it. I want to see more!!!!