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Finally, Some News To Get Excited About

Yesterday, while walking my ostrich, Sheila, I discovered a new newsstand. That’s right. A newsstand that was news to me. It was one of those indoor magazine stores, Newsbeat or something, near Pete’s and Peet’s, and the urge to check the inventory for literary magazines overwhelmed me, so I tied the Feathered One to a bawling youngster outside and darted in.

Sacramento is not exactly known for its literary prowess, but this place carried more than the average Borders, which bordered on refreshing. And before you start snoring at the thought of all those obscure words, let me also inform you that this spacious and family-friendly place of business carried more than just your average lunch break reading material.

Say, for example, you’re surfing working at your desk and it’s 2pm. Time for your afternoon break. You’ve got 20 minutes to run down to the newstand and grab a mag, and oh, I don’t know, some anti-masturbatory cream. And not just any anti-masturbatory cream, but the fast-acting kind. The current stuff you use can’t keep up with you – you smear it on, and before you can say, “Oh God!”, you’re smoking a cigarette.

Well, have I got news for you. Lookee what I found there:

Click to Enlarge - HA HA! Get it?

Oh, don’t worry. If this New and Improved product still isn’t up to your speed, they sell cigarettes, too.

…IN OTHER NEWS …

My review of Tara Yellen’s After Hours at the Almost Home has been published on Curled Up With a Good Book. Click here if you wish to read it.

…IN OTHER OTHER NEWS …

The Princess and The Pea has been kind enough to add Nanny Goats In Panties to her blogroll. The Princess, a new addition to the Midlife Bloggerettes, explores the “Foibles & Fables on Being Female”. It feels like a nice morning chat over coffee and you feel like you’ve walked away having learned something.

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  • http://www.merlotmom.blogspot.com merlotmom

    LOL

  • http://www.janssushibar.com Jan

    I’m just sitting here, mouth slightly ajar, thinking, “But….WHY???
    The idea that there is a market for such a product – not to mention made with a blend of coconut, buttermilk and vanilla bean – just boggles my mind.

  • http://www.janssushibar.com Jan

    A little research on the interwebz revealed this website: http://www.MissPoppy.com, where you can not only purchase the cream, but the complimentary anti-masturbatory chewing gum AND car air freshener. In fact, there is just a plethora of useful little goodies on this site; I’m rather partial to the “I gave myself to Jesus, but now he never calls” refrigerator magnet.

  • floridian

    From Tony Randall’s book WHICH REMINDS ME:
    Guy walks into a drug store and complains to the druggist about premature ejaculation during intercourse. Druggist gives him a salve and says “Apply this to your penis before having sex. It will help you last longer.”
    Guy comes back the next day and the druggist says, “How did that work for you?”
    Guy says, “I don’t know. I came putting it on.”

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret

    ba DUMP DUMP!
    LOL!

  • http://www.betweenusgirls.info Lori

    Margaret,
    Have I told you this week that I love you? Well, I do. Thanks for the laugh. Your post and some silliness at It’s a Mad, Madge World today have started my day off right!

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret

    Lori – You are so welcome. That’s the whole reason I’m here. :)

  • http://byjane.blogspot.com ByJane

    and thanks for linking to The Princess…I did hyphens instead of underscores.

  • http://imnotneurotic.blogspot.com Abby

    I have just stumbled on your blog and I am laughing myself silly. Thank you!

  • http://alimartell.com ali

    this just made my day.
    (also? why don’t we have newsstands where i live???)